Trying to find my inner peace

Where on earth have the first 4 months of the year gone, please? I decided this morning that I was going to write a new blog post today, and was so genuinely shocked when I realised that I hadn't posted anything on here since January! Time to rectify that and get back into the swing of things, I think. The problem is, I spent so much of my time writing for other reasons - work, university, journaling, poetry, fiction writing, that blogging ends up being pushed to the back and before you know it, almost half a year has passed.

But enough of that, I'm back. And not only that, I've set a schedule for the next few months covering different things that I want to write about to get back into a routine. I think that's enough of an introduction (and enough excuses), so I'm ready to write about something that I am really trying to focus on at the moment - trying to find my inner peace.

It is no secret that I have struggled with mood swings, anxiety, depression and the rest of it my entire life. And while I, and my doctors, are currently working towards diagnosing something that we think might be the root cause of most of those issues, I have been really trying to work on myself and to find ways in which I can access my inner peace. To do so, I've created a 5 step plan. I have always been a very spiritual person. I read tarot, and practice white witchcraft, I track the moon & planet cycles, I believe in the power of crystals, and I believe above all that you absolutely can access your own inner peace, it can just take a while to get there. 

Patience is something that I am learning, but not patience with other people, patience with myself. The voice inside my head is very rarely one of comfort and support, and is almost always one of judgement and negativity. So, the first part of my inner peace plan is to learn to be patient with myself. Arguably, this is the hardest part because it is so easy to listen to your inner saboteur than it is to find your inner cheer leader, isn't it? However, I am trying my hardest to change that. If I find myself thinking negatively about myself, I allow myself to acknowledge the thoughts and feelings, but to let them go and replace them with something positive, instead. Rather than looking in the mirror and feeling disgust, or sadness, I try to remind myself that this is the body that has seen me through everything, and will see me through a lot more. This body is a powerhouse. If I find myself berating myself for making a mistake, instead I try to remind myself of everything that has gone right, and that mistakes are an opportunity to learn, and grow. 

The next step is yoga. I have practices yoga before, but not for a long time, and never for long enough to really feel the benefits, so I decided that it was time to get back into it, and when a local class became available, I jumped at the opportunity. So yesterday, a small group of my friends got up at the crack of dawn, went to the beach armed with yoga mats and sheer determination to not let the brisk morning air defeat us, and took part in a sunrise beach yoga session. It was fantastic. There was something so intensely calming about being on the beach as the world woke up around us and we were honouring our body in a calm and respectful way. I was surprised at how much of an impact the session had on me actually, and will absolutely be making it a regular thing. (I do need to work on my balance, though!)

Naturally following on from yoga, is step three. This is something that I have done for a really long time, but that in the last year or so I have let slip (and really felt the impact!). This step is meditation. My brain is constantly busy and I find it really difficult to switch it off and unwind when I have the time to, and meditation has always helped with that. There was a time where I would meditate daily, but life got in the way and I let it fizzle out, so I have been working to build myself back up to that, and only a few weeks into it I can already feel myself settling back in - like wrapping a comforting old blanket around myself!

Steps four and five are similar in that they are often discussed alongside each other, but the way in which I am doing them is keeping them firmly separate. The first is to practice mindfulness. My best friend and I purchased a set of mindfulness cards, which we keep on our work desks, and every day we draw one and set the intention to follow it for that day. Sometimes they are physical, sometimes they require thought and reflection, and sometimes they are simply positive affirmations to remind yourself throughout the day. 
The second is journaling. If I'm being honest, before now I never saw the appeal. I already write a lot and so I really didn't think this would be for me, but my god was I wrong. Every day I set aside 30 minutes to journal. I don't use prompts or headings or anything like that, I just let myself write freely the entire time. Pouring out ideas, thoughts, feelings, arguments, memories, reminders, lists - if it's in my head at the time, you can guarantee it will end up on that page. Afterwards I feel like a weight has been lifted from me and placed firmly between the pages of that notebook. 

I don't know if this plan alone will let me find my inner peace, but I do know for sure that it is putting me in the right direction, and for now - that is more than enough. 

Until next time.